more filler

Because no one can ever bash Twilight enough:
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I just realized that if you removed the vampires from Twilight, you get shit that sounds alot like

Because I couldn't possibly get any more racist.

Okay, so a boring twitchy teenage girl named Bella falls in love with a sparkly vampire named Edward, and for some reason never clarified in the book, he loves her back. Now take the "vampire" part out of my last sentence (but leave the "sparkly" in, because I'm trying to prove Twilight is ridiculous) and you basically have this:

Edward: I've killed people before

Bella: K.

Edward: I wanted to kill you at first, your blood is tasty.

Bella: K.

Anybody with the self-esteem of a spoonful of pudding would have jumped out the window, run for the hills, and called it a day right there. Instead, we get Edward stomping around and telling his love interest to piss off, and since Bella is into forbidden fruit (hey, i just got the whole apple thing), she stands around taking it, because everyone knows that if you're skinny enough, someone exotic will fall in love with you for being you:

Hell, the shiny guy even confessess to a couple of murders, but the boring one just raises his murderous lust with a vacant stare and strange assurance that the effeminate Nosferatus would never hurt HER.

"I fell down the stairs, then out the fourth floor windows."- Twilight, circa 1970s