My World (Is a shitty album)

A little searching on Youtube got me all the research material I need for this post. I realized that most of Justin Bieber's songs are about heartbreak and rejection, even before he got famous, which really makes me wonder: How is Justin Bieber getting so much action that he has "a favorite girl" out of "all the girls he's ever known"?

Another gem: "How many bags you'd packed" from the song One Less Lonely Girl. "How many bags you'd packed"? Really? You're singing about a 15-year old girl, not a tired, lonely woman rejected once too many times. The last time she had to pack was probably deciding what to bring on her next Disney World trip.

^Absolutely not.

Anyways, all of his songs are generic pop/R&B mixes that I can hardly believe a 16-year old guy sang. The voice sounds girly enough to be something R. Kelly would listen to. While urinating on pre-teen girls. Have fun with that image, folks.

Then I got to that Baby song I know half the lyrics too, despite the fact that I've never listened to the entire song, ever. I'm pretty sure a wise man living in the mountains taking a vow of silence knows the lyrics to this song by now, but here it is anyways. Go look up the music video yourself, I have no intention of increasing its number of viewers.

Okay, really? Most of the time in a bowling alley I'm trying to figure out why I suck so much without using those bumpers on the side. You're really going to stage a song about heartbreak and rejection in a place that smells like feet while flirting with random video girls?

"Oh whooaooaooohohoh x3"

Great, it's like listening to Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, and the Jonas Brothers all over again. Except I can't remember for the life of me what happened to them when 2010 came along.

"I thought you'd always always be mine"

Wait, so according to this music video, you've known her for five minutes, and you're already singing about how you want her forever.

It goes pretty much how you'd expect it to go until after the 3rd chorus when I'm struck by the blandest rap I've ever heard. It's basically some guy talking fast into a mic while the theme of Baby goes on in the background. And much to my surprise, the rapper is Ludacris, the guy whose "Red Light District" album introduced me to rap, along with Eminem and D12. Way to keep it street, buddy.

So essentially, Justin Bieber is a clingy teenage boy with a voice that sounds like someone's puberty needs a jump start. I can understand that his music is popular, sure, but Vanilla Ice was popular, and look where it got him.

The Beatles were popular too, and you never saw an army of teenage girl-

Okay, fine, but Elvis was popular, and he never had women swarm-

My Chemical Romance is still big, but they don't have massive amounts of Youtube comments talking about how hot-

Aw, dammit!