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U.S. Influence on Foreign Nations
... Four score and seven years ago in 1776, the US was created singlehandedly by Benjamin Franklin with the help of his pal, Colonel Sanders. Before then, everything, including the sunset, was ruled by the tyrant king of Britain, Prince Charles and some woman named Mrs. Simpson. He put taxes on everything, and then The United States of America was created in retaliation to his building of levies in New Orleans, which doesn't make sense to me, but they were probably really crappy levies (see also: Hurricane Katrina). What was once representin' da West Side is now one of the most powerful nations in the solar system.
... America is now president of the world, and some people aren't cool with that, but haters gonna hate. In the War of 1812, this guy named Osama bin Laden declared hajj, zakat, and later jihad on us and shot Tupac. In retaliation, we tried killing the Notorious Biggie Smalls, and ended up getting Saddam Hussein instead. Just when things couldn't get any worse, they had P. Diddy smash a plane into our trade centers, so we responded by making amends and letting bygones be bygones. No wait, that other thing. We sent troops into what was already a cluster...muck (self-kensorship) of calamity and strife they called their homeland and killed Princess Di, but that was just to screw with Prince Edward. Then, when we realized it would take more than just throwing money at our enemies to beat them, we stepped up our game by throwing more money than anyone thought possible at the problem, raping the world economy on the side. Is this an arms race anyone can win? Either way, the children lose, but who cares, they're a bunch of little brats ruining my movie. I wanted to watch The Last Airbender in peace, not have a bunch of stupid kids crying at the part where the girl turns into the moon. The cartoon was way better. At any rate, I hear we pulled out of the East Side, so now Jay-Z and Katy Perry are representing. Except instead of shooting with bullets, Katy Perry shoots with canned milk over her bikini or something in that one music video.
... George Washington loves America, that's why he's on our money. And money is important because other nations don't have money. America tries to give them money sometimes, but I don't think they know how to use it because they're still poor. I think they try to eat the money because they're spoiled by missionaries who give them food instead of teaching them how to get money. I think that's what they mean by "nickels a day can feed a child." I thought, "How can food be so cheap over there?" It's not, they just eat the nickels.
... And then came in the Indians, who my cousin tells me ran casinos and had a power level of at least nine thousand. When Americans first came to this nation, the Indians picked a lot of fights and killed America's best friend (not Mexico). The Americans got really pissed and went US2 and killed all the Indians. There were still some Indians, but since the cartoonists wanted that saga over, we can beat them with a single punch without even going US4. The West Side rules because we have the Jets and the Sharks. Everyone else drools. That's why I don't let other nations in my secret clubhouse. Other nations and girls. In conclusion, girls are icky.
5 comments:
Is there something wrong with me when I felt that Mario could walljump up to the Relationship platform?
Only if the promise of a relationship is as strong as the promise of cheese.
Is it normal that I could barely understand anything you said in that thesis? It sounded sort of like troll logic.
You'd best be trollin'.
troll logic is an oxymoron
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