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I've just realized recently that it's only been a year since my relocation, but wow- it feels like I've been here for at least 5 years. Time has a funny way of slowing down. 
But as a reflection, it's been a pretty incredible learning experience, adapting to new environments, teachers, musics, etc. Whenever I think about whether this was all worth it, I remember a friend's farewell text to me before I left LA last spring, which encouraged me to make the most out of this. And yes Jason, I am doing just that.

A year ago, I would've cowered at the prospect of playing something like... the Sibelius concerto and Bach's Chaconne. Somehow, that's exactly what happened and although I've just scratched the surface of understanding the music and actually mastering it, the fact that I can sort of grasp it and run through the 1st mvmt of the Sibelius and not collapse during Chaconne (non-stop 15 mins of torture) is pretty awesome. I think I've matured a lot through these two pieces as well- especially the Chaconne. I think it's because my teacher has this tendency of giving me these really abstract ideas that I've never faced before. He'd say something like "play it as if you were praying to God" and I'll be like "wut." But after you figure out the gist of what he meant, it's pretty profound and enlightening. Bach is really profound, and Chaconne is like his epic tale of life and love and tragedy and death.

I think the most important lesson I've learned musically, is that as a musician, conveying the emotions and story of the music is sometimes more important than technique. A good example would be last week's competition, where I completely butchered Sibelius but tried my hardest to make faces and "act" out the music. The judges fell for my trap, even though my competitors played much cleaner. Granted, technique is extremely important too, but excellent technique without music amounts to nothing.

Another musically life-changing experience was playing in a string quartet. Even as a second violinist, playing chamber music well is really, really tough. I have to lead and follow and match articulations and rhythm and know everyone's part, all simultaneously. My ensemble did a few masterclasses, and upon meeting the Cavani Quartet and Cypress String Quartet- you just gain a ton of respect and reverence for them because they do their job so well. So far, we've covered the first mvmts of Borodin's Second Quartet, Mozart's 17th ("La Chasse"), Schubert's No. 13 ("Rosamunde"), as well as the 3rd mvmt of Shosty's 3rd Quartet. 

Despite all these amazing experiences I've been so blessed to have, I can't really say that I'm happy here. I should be, but I'm not. I'd like to put the blame on the inherent "solitary life" that accompanies most musical pursuits, but it's really my fault for neglecting to make friends and socialize at school. I can't blame the people here either, because NorCal people are actually a lot nicer and less judgmental than SoCal inhabitants (no offense). I guess I've yet to find my own niche (and stop being so aloof :P).


However, I did find a new niche/hobby from being cooped up in my room all the time and have spent most of my downtime gaming. It's sort of an escape and a distraction from stress and unhappy things. Although I'm still new to the scene, I'm pretty sure multiplayer fps's are the best thing to ever exist. There's just something about outwitting and killing virtual people that is so satisfying. Weirdly enough, it has been a pretty educational experience too, as I've banished my previous convictions that video games should be frowned upon, because the work that game developers do and the skill pro gamers exhibit are pretty admirable. And because it is a largely male-dominated culture, I've started to understand men a lot more. Plus, video games are really fun.


Have I changed since I've moved? From my perspective that's pretty difficult to answer, but I probably have changed a lot in terms of the quality of my humor and regularity of expletive language after being influenced by the gaming culture. But I guess one thing that has dramatically changed is that I'm a lot more chill (is that the right word?). I used to really buckle under pressure and stress and take criticism a lot more seriously. But I've realized that there's no use to panicking or pulling out my hair when I'm unprepared for a violin lesson or concert; it only makes the situation worse. Bach Festival event tomorrow? Play BF3 the day before and break legs at the audition.


Take it easy, guys.