Just Looking Around, Found Out Something

Don't piss off God.

Click here for the boring explanation, or keep reading for the awesome JnK one.

King Herod, Herod the Great was a King of Judea, known for his hand in the building of the Second Temple and the "Massacre of the Innocents." If you don't recognize this name yet, don't go Googling it and spoiling the surprise now.

Herod suffered from severe kidney disease, and also, something called Fournier gangrene, which is, in a (literal) nutshell, penis rot.

That's right, his penis rotted off. I'd supply a picture if it weren't for the fact that I'm scared to death of seeing a picture of it too.

Now, what could possibly cause this? Those of you who have a better-than-average knowledge of the Gospel should. King Herod was responsible for the "Massacre of the Innocents", which unfortunately for him, wasn't the name of some awesome garage band and also exactly what it sounds like. Where modern science fails to explain how Herod was unlucky enough to have his man parts decompose while he was still alive, the Bible takes over.

According to the Bible, King Herod found out a new King of the Jews was just born and he desperately wanted to keep his position, and decided to murder the newborn child. That's right, he decided to murder baby Jesus. Now of course, he had no idea which baby-in-a-manger-under-a-pretty-bright-star was the newly birthed Messiah, so his rational, reasonable solution was to simply kill every baby he could get his hands on and hope one of them was Jesus.

Now, this was a mistake because:
-There are a lot of babies in the world, most of them not the Son of Man
-Wholesale murder of innocent babies is usually frowned upon by, well, everyone who doesn't have pins sticking out of their heads.
-Even more so when one of them is supposed to be the living sacrifice to exempt the human race from their sins.
-And, well, Jesus is Jesus and therefore pretty hard to kill, even in the form of a baby lying on top of some hay. In fairness, though, He was pretty easy to kill after being nailed on a cross willingly for a few days and then pierced with a spear. Now staying dead, that was a different matter entirely. Houdini couldn't beat that on his best day.

And obviously, this plan not only failed spectacularly, but also pissed off God so much that He decided to murder Herod's junk. Now, "God did it" is pretty hard to prove, but what would you rather believe, that God does this to people he really doesn't like, or that this shit can happen to you at any time?