Why you shouldn't bother with online prize sites.

I was invited to Prize Rebel, Rewards 1 or something like that, and Lockerz, each when they first started by, various friends, but I guess I'll focus on Lockerz because it'll be fun to write about a variation of those survey sites. You know those sites, they're the ones where you fill out a billion questions on a billion different pages to get a free iPod after ten billion surveys, quizzes and questionnaires.

But Lockerz isn't like that, it's a different beast. It's a kat in banana's clothing.

One of the first things you notice about it, is that it's pretty well made. Shit load of AJAX? Check. Snazzy new boots? Check. False sense of security? Check, check, and check.

The first bad thing you notice, though, is how self consciously awkward the site feels. It's like when your third cousin who lives in Hong Kong wants to buy you a birthday present, and all she knows is that you're male, 14, and you live in America. So she gets you a football, because that's what all 14 year old males who live in America like, right? Well, Lockerz does the exact same thing. They've latched onto the whole generation Z thing, and gone wild with the letter Z. Lockerz, PTZ, whatever. Even the videos they post of themselves are terrible. Calling themselves the Lockerz "crew", wearing a scruffy top, a backwards cap and taking a dog to work? Who are they kidding?

Whatever. You probably know all that by now.

Why you shouldn't go there. You remember the questionnaire sites, things like Prize Rebel? They work by gathering a lot of data on everything about you, and stuffing it into their databases, then selling it to clients who want to target their crap at you. These databases swell to crazy sizes, and contain everything you ever said about yourself, and then some. They probably know your favourite social media sites, toothpaste, and what food your cat likes.

The end result is that if a company wants to sell more of their cat food they find out what age groups are buying it most and where, then they can target specific stores. Then they use that information to target even more groups, thus completing the stalker circle of life. If most have high incomes, then it's not worth putting a lot of adverts on public transport. If most prefer MySpace over Facebook, then it's not worth spending as much on Facebook adverts. It's either that or they do the opposite, and mass target the people who aren't buying it yet.

Sites like Prize Rebel have a big flaw, in that nobody wants to give them real information. Most people who use them on a regular basis probably fill in bogus information, and for the database of media companies, this is a nightmare. Who could tell that John Doe has several thousand birthdays, and likes everything from extreme canoeing to self help books? Lockerz solves this problem, by hooking them in with small questions, one day at a time, using reverse psychology. This or that? Yes or no? Small comment, please? Oh, and don't forget your address and age bracket? What about this demographic form? Can you just check off the races and income brackets you aren't? Then to keep people from buggering off, they add videos and other such nonsense.

I don't want to live in a world where people are constantly selling me things, things I don't want and probably don't like. So please, tell Lockerz you like hot sauce in your banana cream pie, and your cats deep fried, and that your real name is John Shazzlehazzle.

In-Orchestra Review

Vertical Concert, our songs are very boring. I just realized Mr. Morton wasn't a bad conductor, just a terrible teacher. Foothills rushed on their first and last song. First Ave. is the new Foothills in terms of suck, of which oozed out of their f-holes (technical term, I swear). Some junior threw a stink bomb at Chris Lin's feet and he "wisely" decided to run over to where Orchestra 1 was sitting, next to every single AHS person in the audience. People six rows from us were covering their noses.

Orchestra 1's songs are very boring, did I mention that? Being a first violin didn't alleviate the boredom at all, Kathleen, you LIED to me. First Ave played Hide and Seek by Imogen Heap, they didn't do a good job of covering up the random silences that come up every two measures, because their song was passive and quiet to begin with. Also, they were out of tune. Mr. England and Mr. Forbes really get into conducting when their Orchestras actually know what they're doing (Mr England conducting Orch III looked like he was doing some rave 70's disco dance from the audience's perspective)

All in all, I'm bored and typing this instead of finishing my history homework.

Un-Orchestra Review

So my day totally crashed today when I texted DEBAN at 8pm to ask how far it was into the Vertical Concert because I wanted to go, even if it was for an hour!
And Deban said that they were "finished".
Disappointed, I moped around for a bit.
Then he was like "FMS is playing now lol"
and I was RAGEEEE
because he meant that ORCH 1 was finished in the first place.
And I could've watched for an hour.
And I could've watched FMS and Orch 3 perform.
But now it is too late.
/crycry

.

Ah, so
I just got a performance off my shoulders.
Phew.
EXCEPT I STILL HAVE A COMPETITION IN 3 WEEKSASDFASDKFH

Anyways, I'm looking into more extra-curricular classes. I know that I'll be taking ballet for sure- my teacher and mum urged me to, so I agreed. I bet I can pick up quickly, if I can remember past lessons from 4th grade. :V
I also want to try jazz- it looks so elegant and graceful- something that I an in dire need of (I spill, knock over, or break something at LEAST once a day).

I also want to sample competitive sports for once. The only catch is that I cannot strain, overuse, or risk breaking my hands/wrists/arms. My right hand is an exception. (Tendonitis usually occurs in a violinist's left wrist/lower arm.) I've considered soccer, swimming, and fencing, but I am not aware of any more.

So the question that I have for you guys, is:
What sports (however uncommon) would be healthy for a kat? (That means no risk whatsoever on limbs that are used in violining.)

Promoting Boatcrime

Update

Ah, finally some time to create a decent blogpost.
Well not really, because I'm 40 mins behind my schedule but I really need to sort out what has happened to me in the last few weeks because it's been one heckofa rollercoaster.

Let's start with my chamber music program auditions. I prepared Sarasate's Romanza Andaluza and Bach's Presto from Son. No. 1 that I've been working on for forever, for JCM and YMF.
JCM went fine, and I played decently.
The YMF auditions were quite a fiasco, however.
Last Katurday, I planned to arrive at the venue of the auditions (UCLA) at around 2- almost 1.5 hrs before my turn with the judges. Traffic delays and difficulty finding the music building resulted in me getting there half an hour later than what I expected. But no worries- I still have an hour to warm-up and chill. I extricated a stack of sheet music from my bag and- how funny- I FORGOT MY PIANO MUSIC FFFFFUUU-
So my mum was srsly freeaaaking out and I was like ohsnap and my pianist was like geeyou'redoingitwrong. I ran all over campus in my babby heels in search of libraries so I can print out the music from the public domain but THEY WERE CLOSED (due to AIDS).
Thus, I had to suck it up and play unaccompanied.
And it rather went well. According to my mum, the Bach was the most intune that I have ever played. :3
I have yet to recieve notice of acceptance or phail from either programs, but I'm crossing my fingers and stalking the program coordinators to pressure them (lolno).

Despite all this, my lovey dovey parents decided to put another slab of nice, fat, pressure on me.
Apparently, they thought that my ratio of school:time spent on practicing was ftl. My dear mummy and daddy really wanted me homeschooled so that I can bid my social life farewell and practice 8 hours a day.
Er, not going to happen.
I tried to find a compromise, and came up with an idea that was not likely to work, but still had some meager resemblances of hope. I arranged an app. w/ the principal, and requested a shorter school day. That meant that I would get out of school at lunch, which allotted 2-3 hours of extra violining. My parents consented, but only if I could get home at noon.
And you know what?
THE PRINCIPAL AGREED WEEEEEOOOOOO !
Hallelujah, my prayers were answered.
Invariably, my mum still wants me to get homeschooled, but HAHAHAno.
Lol, so I cut P.E. and orch (my elective), and switched English from P6 to 3 w/ Schultz.

Unfortunately...
I have to make up about 100 terms and 10 stories for Eng.
I'm not playing in the school orchestra anymore, nor will I be part of orch. trips.*
I'll have something reminiscent of a social life, but nothing more (I won't be staying for lunch most of the time).**
I am losing friends in the process.**

but you know what?
I'm cool with all that, because I know that with homeschooling, I'll be off worse.

As of now, I am mulling over my schedule for the following month, and that includes another competition in early November, which means that I'll have to pick up the Mendelssohn again.
Crash course, initiated.
Wish me luck guises.


*(Please help me in dispelling any rumors that I quit orchestra because I'm not concertmaster, or that I do not like the director. Or anything that contradicts what I've written. This article should be enough proof. Report to Vannasdall if you need more.)

**I might be getting a Facebook (because I'm so lonely), but it'll have to be in a few months, because the only comment people are going to be posting on my wall now would be like "zomg wry r u outta school erly" and I'd rather them forget about it (or me) and say "ohai kat you're still aliev watsup" instead.

WE WERE FAMOUS (for a split second)

Remember my post a few months back about Shoot The Banker? (http://jazznkat.blogspot.com/2009/05/shoot-banker-com.html)
Well its owners posted a video on Youtube...



Cut the crap and go to 2:42.
You'll see the JnK for a semi-second as the websites flash by...
WE'RE THE NEWEST FAD ON THE INTERNET!!!
OH YEAAAAUHHHH

Pokemon wut?

This is not my idea. I do not know when or where this theory was created, I just know someone out there has a lot of time on his hands.

_________

Have you ever noticed that the pacing, tone and story development of Pokemon changes after Ash is hit by lightning in the early episodes, how Ash and his world were relatively normal until after the incident?

I have a theory.

The accident with the bike put Ash into a coma. Days later he was found and was hurried to the hospital and treated with heavy medications, which is why Team Rocket became less menacing. The medication took effect and stabilized his coma dreams so that instead of being terrifying, they became idyllic, allowing him to live out his Pokemon master fantasies.

After the beginning episodes, the series is the result of Ash's subconscious mind fulfilling his desires, as well as attempting to escape reality. Should Ash realize he's in a coma, he would wake up, but suffer brain damage, so he must take down all of his mental barriers one by one until he can come to grips with who he is and escape his coma (since his mind will not allow him to escape until he's come to terms with himself).

Further evidence comes from the realization that even though his journeys take him vast distances, he never travels on a bike due to having developed a phobia.

The coma and fantasy explains why he doesn't change much physically. It also explains the worldwide socialism, as he thought up a safe system of government that would run smoothly and keep the world going, allowing his adventures to work like they do. It also explains how a child can go off on his own into a world full of dangerous and untamed animals, and why town has the same police officer and every Pokemon center has the exact same nurse. Joy and Jenny he knew from his hometown, and they act as a safety net or anchor, allowing him to feel safe no matter where he goes. Joy and Jenny represent stability. The professors represent Ash's ideals, which is why Gary became a professor. The fantasy also explains why every time he enters a new region, virtually no one has heard of him, despite his conquests. How could Paul, the rival of the Sinnoh area, not know of someone who has placed in at least the top 16 of all three leagues and has destroyed the Orange League and Battle Frontier?

Moving on to the characters closer to him, Ash's traveling partners are aspects of himself that he can enjoy, but doesn't like to associate with himself. Brock is Ash's repressed sexuality. Ash fell into the coma a virgin and needed an outlet for his growing sexual frustrations. Since he can never experience sex, Brock must never succeed. But Brock isn't just a projection of Ash's sexuality, he is also a projection of Ash's fatherly instincts. Brock leaves his siblings to journey with Ash because Ash can't cope with having that much responsibility at his age. Brock's stay with professor Ivy was an attempt to outright suppress his sexuality. You may notice that James got much more dialogue in this part of the series, as well as getting more touchy-feely with his Pokemon and exposing most of his backstory. Ash didn't enjoy this much, which is why Brock comes back horrified and refuses to speak about it (Ash's subconscious was repressing him at the time, so other than a general feeling of dread, he has no idea of what happened). Further evidence of Brock being Ash's sexuality is that he keeps returning to the series after Ash meets a new girl aspect of himself.

Misty is the first such aspect we encounter. Because she is the first and because she is merely an aspect of Ash are explanations for why Misty plays so prominently in the show but is ultimately unattainable (because he never really knew her before the coma). Since Misty is his initial love interest - if only subconsciously - he needed her to reach a certain level of womanhood. He felt that people could only have relationships after they've matured. In practice, though, he finds that he can't cope with it (lacking the real-world experience) and wants the normal pushy, arrogant Misty he knew, thus not letting her keep Togepi. We can see this arc in the constant berating of his sexuality (Brock), but her eventual mellowing until she had faded into the background. Since Ash was quite attached to her, this was traumatizing and after this experience, anyone around him "threatening" to mature quickly ends up leaving for another, more naive fill-in.

Gary Oak is what Ash wants to be. He is wish fulfillment. He succeeded, and then settled down to a normal life. Ash needs someone to succeed in his world or he won't be able to validate it and will start questioning why he is where he is. It's a subconscious trap to keep him from becoming too aware of his situation. His mind must have figured out that awareness of the coma would snap him out of it, but it would cause brain damage, so it took something the boy already loved and built a way out for him with it. However, Ash is too complacent to make a final stand and fight his way out of it, and so cannot escape. This is why he keeps encountering Legendary Pokemon. They're his mind's way of showing him he can do great things if he tries, and it's a way to encourage him to push forwards.

Team Rocket are the qualities of himself that Ash deems "negative" but is coming to terms with. Jesse and James want to appease Giovanni, Ash's father figure, and Jessie will trick the submissive James into doing her bidding to achieve this. Meowth especially wants to appease him because he remembers the good times with Giovanni. This places Meowth in a category known as Ash's (corrupted) innocence. This is apparent because Meowth is able to speak. In fact, the whole reason Meowth can speak is so that Ash can eventually accept the aspects of Team Rocket as parts of himself.

Ash has issues with his father, so he put him atop the evil corporation and demonized him. There may be an actual Team Rocket (in the real world) but it's doubtful that Ash's father is their leader. Ash likely feels that the split between his parents was partly his fault, but also partly blames his father. The split caused his mother to move out of the city, down to Pallet Town and is one reason why Ash initially embarks upon the journey: to escape the turmoil at home. But the whole organization, including Butch and Cassidy, is symbolic of his inability to escape his father's machinations.

James is implied homosexuality (which does not necessarily make Ash homosexual) and gullibility, and Jesse is vanity and manipulation. Since Meowth has the potential for rehabilitation, and doesn't want to be evil, this once again fits in with the conflicting personalities and demonized-self theory. Team Rocket cross-dresses because Ash is exploring his sexuality (a different facet than what Brock represents) and this was a method that allowed his gay/vain side to experiment freely. When he found that it wasn't something for him, his "free" side stopped playing with it.

Max came with May. He played the ego and she played the id with great aspirations in that "session". They worked for a little while, but with Ash being a teenager, his sexuality had to come back into play. He kept reinventing himself and eventually wrote new aspects, but his mind slowly brought the old ones back as a crutch to make the transition easier.

Dawn is Ash giving himself a chance to love. Since he already established Misty as someone he's not likely to go anywhere with, he created a new super female, one that was more like him, and less violent. You may note that while both May and Misty had no tolerance for Brock, Dawn seems to try to shrug it off.

Tracey, the Breeder, was a possible future for Ash that he discarded. This future was one that he sent off to work with the professor (Ash's ultimate ideal of a father figure) when Tracey disrupted the dynamic Ash had with his other possibilities. With Ash's mind fighting the coma and Ash viewing this person as a companion, Tracey was quickly replaced with a more threatening rival.

Pikachu represents Ash's humanity, hence the episodes where they get separated and Ash wants desperately to find him, even to the point of working with the Rockets (aspects of himself he would never normally associate with) but for some reason cannot. Team Rocket want to steal Pikachu and hand him over to Giovanni. Jesse and James will always oppose Ash because Ash is terrified of the thought of his humanity lying in the hands of his father. However, this is the same reason that he will work with those aspects of himself in order to save his humanity from just becoming flat out lost. Ash couldn't evolve Pikachu because that would mean challenging his concept of who he was, which was something he wasn't comfortable with while still working through his original issues.

The narrator is Ash's higher mind, recapping and explaining the progress he's made and the tribulations he will face, allowing itself insight into how best to awaken him.

Team Rocket's methods gradually become more and more ludicrous because Ash is only a child dreaming these things up. That is why Team Rocket's disguises are always believed. He knows it's them (at least on a subconscious level), but chooses to ignore it so that he can better himself. In a sense, the Ash who wants to escape is sabotaging the Ash who wants to stay lost in his mind so that there can be more conflict, and hopefully an eventual escape. The escape being a consequence of coming to terms with who he is, as, mentioned previously, Team Rocket are a method for Ash to deal with grounds he's uncomfortable with tackling on his own.

You may recall that early in the show there were animals and references to animals. For example, the fish in the aquarium of the Cerulean city gym, or that the Pokedex lists Pikachu as "rat-like". These animals don't matter to Ash's psyche so they don't come into play much. If Ash had loved puppies, everything would be about different breeds of dogs, and a dog fighting circuit, but as the series goes on, you see fewer realistic animals and more Pokemon. This could be a sign of Ash's mind deteriorating. As he's in the coma, he's losing concepts of some animals and machinery and replacing them with Pokemon. It could explain things like electric Pokemon working as power generators; these are signs that his memory of the old world is slipping more and more as time goes by. The Pokemon realm will be idealized continuously the longer he has no stimulus from the real world. Ash may or may not be mentally deteriorating, but he is becoming more accustomed to his fake world's rules. The wild Pokemon are his rationalizations for the functioning of his created fantasy. It's the "a wizard did it" syndrome. If he doesn't know how it works, his mind says Pokemon.

The Pokemon in Ash's team, however, serve the purpose of displaying his issues and aspects of himself. For example, Charmander represents his sex drive (not his sexuality, like Brock). At first it's a cute, easy thing to control, but eventually becomes a raging inferno of disobedience since Ash has no real understanding of his sexuality and thus has no way to vent or keep it in check. Bulbasaur was his unwillingness to change, reflected in when it declines to evolve and almost decided to stay behind unless he battled it. Squirtle was his willingness to follow the lead of others, as evidenced by the gang it ran with. Even though he ran the gang, they were viewed as one group, and Ash's subconscious just gave him the strongest one. Butterfree was his crushing loneliness, which he dealt with when he released it to join a flock. His bird types are his recklessness, always willing to sacrifice something at a moment's notice for the win. When Ash is trading Pokemon, it's an attempt to push his own problems away on someone else. However, he realizes this and usually trades back fairly quickly.

Not only are Ash's Pokemon a manifestation of different parts of himself, the Pokemon of other trainers are as well. Koffing and Ekans were symbolic of Team Rocket's willingness to change, hence their evolutions. Once his mind was able to overcome that roadblock and allow them to change once, it gave him the chance to truly change.

An interesting note is that Pupitar is a rationalization: a Pokemon that a rival caught before he met him. Even Ash would become suspicious if everyone he met had no carry-over from previous places he had been to.

Other trainers are more direct forms of his issues - ones that he must either come to terms with or outright suppress. Gym Leaders are more primary aspects of his personality, with each Pokemon being stronger than the last, to display a level of skill he could be capable of if only he gave into it. In effect, he is doing battle with a part of him that he would rather not have in control. Originally, Ash had the battles, which evolved into team battles and contests. The explanation for this is that his issues became more and more complicated, and the means of dealing with them needed to become more complex. The fact that he uses issues that he has already dominated to win these are signs that he's growing stronger.

Ash releases his Pokemon because his mind is forcing him to let go of them. The second he raises an overpowered team, a tournament comes up, and after fighting his way through it he has to go to a new land for new challenges. But with an overpowered team, there won't be any challenges, and no way to motivate him further, so the part of Ash that wants to stay in the coma and keep journeying releases his solved issues so that he can continue and overcome the unresolved ones. This is essentially his mind forcing him to deal with his issues.

Ash's rivals and the Elite Four are ultimately the strongest part of this cycle. Having Pokemon that are essentially godlike, they represent both what can be attained and what is unattainable. Ash's rivals are all possible future he envisions for himself (note that they are all older than him). This originated with Oak, someone Ash knew from real life and built up into a sort of god within his mind, but Oak progressed and changed to suit Ash's vision of himself and his ultimate desire, eventually settling down into a professor role after beating the Elite Four. With Gary Oak in retirement, his mind needed a new rival for him, thus the births of Richie (the good aspect of his rivalry) and Paul.

Paul is his mind's last ditch efforts to snap him out of this, to force Ash to actually come to terms that this perfect world is not the best option or path to waking up. Paul is Ash's shadow, one that wants to push on even harder and harder, and the part of him that will stop at nothing to escape this coma world.

Mewtwo is a new form of treatment, done with electric impulses and a machine to knock Ash out of it, taking down every last one of his mental guards (the original Pokemon in the movie). In Ash's mind, Mewtwo and his clones were (in the real world) the treatment for the mental safeguards that were protecting Ash and keeping him comatose: the Pokemon of his world. The clones were counters to the issues that Ash had thought solved, and so each appeared to Ash as the exact copy of his defense. The clones didn't play by the rules of Ash's world, they didn't use any special Pokemon attacks or moves - they just beat down their counterpart through brute strength. The treatment was working.

There were side effects. The electric jolts were beginning to affect Ash's nervous system, and if the treatment continued, he would be paralyzed. His mind manifested this in the dreamworld by petrifying him. Were it not for the end of the treatment by Ash's mother (who knew her son wouldn't want to live in a world he couldn't explore), Ash would have remained as stone forever. After this, Ash needed to recover from the damage caused by the electric therapy. In order to reduce the danger Ash's consciousness felt from it, his subconscious began downplaying the effects of electricity in his world, which is why Pikachu's electric attacks - once noted for their strength by Team Rocket - no longer have any effect on Ash, other than comic relief.

As we can see, Ash may well have been trapped forever in this world. But like every dream, like everything, there is a beginning and an end. What would happen if Ash never recovered? In his hospital room, we see Delia, obviously distraught, talking to a doctor with a grim look on his face. He's saying that their insurance is up, and the boy has had no change in brain activity for seven years. That the shock of taking him off life support has a very small chance of awakening him.

She tearfully agrees.

Back in Ash's world, he has finally defeated the Elite Four, and one by one, the people around him start disappearing. Eventually, everything is black. Pikachu comes dashing towards him, glowing brighter and brighter in the darkness. Eventually he reaches Ash and the two embrace one last time.

Back in the hospital room, his life signs fading, Ash mutters his final words.

I...want to be...the very...best...

He will die, never having known his dream, except as naught but a dream. When he came back to reality, he knew it all for the lie it was, knew it as his imagination. Knowing that his efforts, ambitions and friends were nothing, he will let go.

As he utters his final phrase, he barely opens his eyes and sees the silhouette of his mother, her face hidden by her hands wiping away tears. They make eye contact, and one final realization fills him before he loses all strength.

He sees that his mother was holding out hope that he'd recover all that time. He sees her and finds that her hope had been broken as she'd come to the realization that she'd outlived her only child. He dies knowing that he is loved, but that it means the one person closest and most real to him is utterly crushed.

Lack of posts due to THIS:

Hey, sorry I've been leaving my dear, starving, mourning readers out in the bitter cold, deprived of any bodily nourishment or human contact amongst a dreadful, dreadful world of wolves and lions. Because I have been...

MINECRAFTING!*

Admire the beauty of pixelized landscapes on minecraft.net

Minecrafting is a professional online sport where you can build virtually anything out of blocks, or simply explore the surrounding landscape and other player's masterpieces.

Creativity is highly encouraged and respected by griefers.

Using your mouse and WASD for navigation, you can walk (or fly if you're pro) through land, water, or lava, and interact with other players via the Multiplayer option. The only thing that's pretty lacking in MC is that you can't smash the other guy's face in when they manipulate/mutate your piece of artistic architecture. Sorry.

Skydive, one of the servers, offers skydiving. Go figure.

I highly encourage you to engage in this extremely entertaining piece of Internet that will suck hours out of your productivity and force you dig really, really deep holes and perhaps make a castle/island/stairway into heaven that will inevitably be distorted/destroyed by some sadistic griefer. Happy Minecrafting!

*well actually I've been preparing for two auditions and a wedding (sarasate+bach), so more violin more more more.

When Jason tells the world that he is posting tomorrow

He means coincident with the rapture.

Back from a state of Schroedinger's comatose and uncomatose.

"Why?" You ask. "Why must our favorite blogger whom we worship like a cat sent from the heavens above to teach mankind the folly of violence be a vegetable full of potential, where if we were to check if he were a vegetable or just a fruit, he would become a vegetable?" You ask these things along with your lifelong questions of "Maybe Jason's just forgotten us" or "Did Jason forget that Kathleen has been yelling at him to post for the last month" or "Am I a bad person if I eat bananas" or "Why don't nice girls like me?"

To answer those questions in no particular order, yes, because you're unlovable, absolutely, hell yes, and fruitcake.

But fear not, loyal-to-a-fault readers, I have risen above the state of vegetation and have become the mighty banana tree, king of all flora AND fauna.

Theoretically, that is. I mean, there's still time for me to procrastinate until I can't procrastinate any more and then find myself bogged down by other matters. But hopefully, when Kathleen invariably deletes this fragment blog of mine, it will be replaced by either a recap of high school life or maybe just some bullcrap pulled out of my C4 hiding place.

I mean, I've had Halo: ODST sitting around for like more than a week now unopened, so for all you know, tomorrow there could be a review up here. Then again, while I'm fantasizing, I'd also like a cheesestake, sixteen hours straight of gaming time, and a flying kitten that projects golden harps.